Recently, I rewrote parts of an early chapter of my WIP Retreat. (Notice the hook sentence) This where I re-introduce readers to the MC, Ben, and introduce them to his interior conflict, as well as the setting.
Also, notice how much conflict there is.
I killed him. Ben glanced through the window at the swirling eddy of dead leaves. He stood, a twinge of pain darting up his leg. Fire spurted through his chest. He smacked the kitchen table with his open hand.
His mother turned from the stove. “Benjamin!” Her blue eyes widened. “What’s coming over you?”
Ben plopped into his chair and laid his head on the table, a headache blossoming in the back of his skull. If only he had been able to save Mr. Jim. He could have, he could have, but he had rescued Fred instead.
“I’m sorry, Mother. I’ve just not been myself lately.”
Cool hands kneaded his shoulders. “You haven’t been the same, ever since you got back from the war two months ago. I thought it would get better once your leg healed but ….”
“If we’d just hear from him. Mr. Jim’s still missing. I … I don’t know if he’s still alive.”
She kissed his head. “Just have faith.”
Ben nodded, more out of habit than belief. Faith in a fallacy wasn’t faith, but denial. And the time for denial had to end. Maybe John would have some advice. He stood, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, and plodded toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
Ben dropped his head. Of course she would ask that. “John’s.”
“Going to ask him to go with you to deliver Shelby’s letter?”
A sigh hissed from Ben’s lips. “No, I don’t think so.”
“You really should.”
Ben turned his head around glaring at her, hoping that she’d stop. “Go ….” Her eyebrows drew together. Angry or hurt, really didn’t matter. His chest ached. If only he could just mourn in silence, without hurting anybody else.
What do you guys think? Would you keep on reading? Do you feel for Ben or is he too much of a jerk 🙂 ?
Have a great Wednesday, everyone!