Recently, I rewrote parts of an early chapter of my WIP Retreat. (Notice the hook sentence) This where I re-introduce readers to the MC, Ben, and introduce them to his interior conflict, as well as the setting.
Also, notice how much conflict there is.
I killed him. Ben glanced through the window at the swirling eddy of dead leaves. He stood, a twinge of pain darting up his leg. Fire spurted through his chest. He smacked the kitchen table with his open hand.
His mother turned from the stove. “Benjamin!” Her blue eyes widened. “What’s coming over you?”
Ben plopped into his chair and laid his head on the table, a headache blossoming in the back of his skull. If only he had been able to save Mr. Jim. He could have, he could have, but he had rescued Fred instead.
“Ben?”
“I’m sorry, Mother. I’ve just not been myself lately.”
Cool hands kneaded his shoulders. “You haven’t been the same, ever since you got back from the war two months ago. I thought it would get better once your leg healed but ….”
“If we’d just hear from him. Mr. Jim’s still missing. I … I don’t know if he’s still alive.”
She kissed his head. “Just have faith.”
Ben nodded, more out of habit than belief. Faith in a fallacy wasn’t faith, but denial. And the time for denial had to end. Maybe John would have some advice. He stood, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, and plodded toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
Ben dropped his head. Of course she would ask that. “John’s.”
“Going to ask him to go with you to deliver Shelby’s letter?”
A sigh hissed from Ben’s lips. “No, I don’t think so.”
“You really should.”
Ben turned his head around glaring at her, hoping that she’d stop. “Go ….” Her eyebrows drew together. Angry or hurt, really didn’t matter. His chest ached. If only he could just mourn in silence, without hurting anybody else.
What do you guys think? Would you keep on reading? Do you feel for Ben or is he too much of a jerk 🙂 ?
Have a great Wednesday, everyone!
David B. Hunter 
I understand where Ben’s coming from …….. that was pretty tragic, having to leave Mr. Jim behind. This is a great excerpt! I mean, there are a few things I’d change, but that’s more about the way I write differing from the way you write … so it doesn’t really apply, I guess. Keep up the awesome work! 😀
LikeLike
Thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This sounds really neat, David! I haven’t read the first book yet, but I’m thinking that I should. Civil War novels are always my favorite, and yours sounds wonderful. 🙂 I’m researching to write my own Civil War story sometime in the future. My main character will be under General Sherman’s command during his march to Atlanta. It’s a tragic time period, but shockingly, the actual historical events fit like a jigsaw puzzle with the story (of the characters) that I already wanted to tell.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words. Very Cool! You may have run across this in your research, but do you know what “Sherman’s Neckties” were? (I just learned this fact last week)
LikeLike
I do know what Sherman’s Neckties were! A history buff that I’ve been interrogating (*evil author smirk*) told me about them not too long ago. I am hoping to at least mention them in the book.
LikeLike
Cool! You really should! (In case anyone is wondering. Sherman’s neckties were rails from the railroad that were melted before being bent around trees)
LikeLike