Sneak Peek into Retreat

Recently, I rewrote parts of an early chapter of my WIP Retreat. (Notice the hook sentence) This where I re-introduce readers to the MC, Ben, and introduce them to his interior conflict, as well as the setting.

Possible Retreat Cover Blurry Background With Words

Also, notice how much conflict there is.

I killed him. Ben glanced through the window at the swirling eddy of dead leaves. He stood, a twinge of pain darting up his leg. Fire spurted through his chest. He smacked the kitchen table with his open hand.

His mother turned from the stove. “Benjamin!” Her blue eyes widened. “What’s coming over you?”

Ben plopped into his chair and laid his head on the table, a headache blossoming in the back of his skull. If only he had been able to save Mr. Jim. He could have, he could have, but he had rescued Fred instead.

“Ben?”

“I’m sorry, Mother. I’ve just not been myself lately.”

Cool hands kneaded his shoulders. “You haven’t been the same, ever since you got back from the war two months ago. I thought it would get better once your leg healed but ….”

“If we’d just hear from him. Mr. Jim’s still missing. I … I don’t know if he’s still alive.”

She kissed his head. “Just have faith.”

Ben nodded, more out of habit than belief. Faith in a fallacy wasn’t faith, but denial. And the time for denial had to end. Maybe John would have some advice. He stood, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, and plodded toward the door.

“Where are you going?”

Ben dropped his head. Of course she would ask that. “John’s.”

“Going to ask him to go with you to deliver Shelby’s letter?”

A sigh hissed from Ben’s lips. “No, I don’t think so.”

“You really should.”

Ben turned his head around glaring at her, hoping that she’d stop. “Go ….” Her eyebrows drew together. Angry or hurt, really didn’t matter. His chest ached. If only he could just mourn in silence, without hurting anybody else.

What do you guys think? Would you keep on reading? Do you feel for Ben or is he too much of a jerk 🙂 ?

Have a great Wednesday, everyone!

Comparison Between First Person and Third Person Limited POV (With Excerpt from Retreat)

Possible Retreat Cover Blurry Background With WordsFirst of all, before I begin, I must warn all of you, that I am not an expert! These are my opinions and best understanding of these principles at the present time.

If you want to get a full explanation of POV’s, head over to Mr. Davis’ blog, The Author’s Chair. He’s the one who refined what I think about POV’s.

Of course, every author has a different style and it is the reader that decides how well it works.

Alright, with all of that out of the way, I think it’s time for some examples.

This is Third Person Limited (or at least how I understand it) 😉

Ben trudged through Dubuque. Wind whipped around his ears. It carried the scent of fall and warned of the approach of winter.

Pain shot up his leg. Ben grimaced. It had been months since Wilson’s Creek. It was already October, but the pain lingered. At least it was getting better.

He stopped and gazed up at a white church. Multi-colored leaves whisked by on a breeze. A small stairway, with a railing on one side, led up to a narrow door. Ben sighed. It hadn’t changed a bit, except for the piece of paper on the door. Ben squinted. The words were unreadable at this distance.

After placing a steadying hand on the railing, Ben walked up the stairs. He reached the top and gazed at the words once again. Now they were clear.

Here is a the same part of the story, but in First Person.

I trudged through Dubuque. Wind whipped around my ears. It carried the scent of fall and warned of the approach of winter.

Pain shot up my leg. I grimaced. It had been months since Wilson’s Creek. It was already October, but the pain lingered. At least it was getting better. 

I stopped and gazed up at a white church. Multi-colored leaves whisked by on the breeze. A small stairway, with a railing on one side, led up to a narrow door. I sighed. It hadn’t changed a bit, except for the piece of paper on the door. I squinted. The words were unreadable at this distance. 

After placing a steadying hand on the railing, I walked up the stairs. I reached the top and gazed at the words once again. Now they were clear.

Basically, I just changed the nouns and pronouns to “I” and “my”. First Person allows for a more in-depth examination of a single character.

Also, notice the thoughts. It had been months since Wilson’s Creek. It was already October, but the pain lingered. At least it was getting better. It hadn’t changed a bit, except for a piece of paper on the door. This allows for the reader to get inside the character’s head, as well as allows you, the author to establish the back story.

This excerpt is from my book Retreat, hopefully coming out next summer. Just so you know, this is not the final version, it’ll be edited at least one more time (Hopefully more) .

Please post any comments if you agree, disagree, or think I got all of this plain wrong! 🙂 Thanks for reading. Again, please check out Mr. Davis’ blog. Have a great Monday!

Writing for His glory!

David B. Hunter